Our Emotions Are Weather Systems

“Let us learn to appreciate there will be times when the trees will be bare, and look forward to the time when we may pick the fruit.” - Anton Chekhov

What would life be like if every day was sunny? Or if the rain never stopped? We don’t even fathom these questions as we know them not to be true. The weather is always changing. The seasons are constantly cycling. The moon waxes and wanes. The trees lose their leaves and grow new buds. The temperature varies. Cloudy, foggy days will pass by to give way to gorgeous, breezy blue sky days. And we know before long, we will encounter a raging, electrified thunderstorm. We don’t resist these fluctuations in mother nature, so why do we do so within ourselves?

I’ve been studying Ayurveda for the past year or so (barely scratched the surface!), and it sheds light on how to better understand, acknowledge and process the emotional fluctuations within ourselves. For those that aren’t familiar, Ayurveda is essentially the original mind-body medicine, dating back more than 3,000 years ago. “Ayur” means life and “veda” means science. It is the science of life. Within this ancient wisdom, Ayurveda teaches us to use mother nature as our teacher. It is about our relationship to the elements in nature: earth, water, fire, air, ether (space). These elements exist in nature and they are mirrored within ourselves. Just as there can't be thunderstorms without blue sky days, we can't have happy days without sad ones. We cannot separate this interconnectedness. These elements make up our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual qualities...in every single person.

To put this into more practical terms, think of those days when you’re feeling flighty or scattered. You are distracted, lose track of time, or get overwhelmed and anxious about the future. This is an imbalance of the air and ether energy within you (called the Vata dosha). Ayurveda teaches us to look to the other elements to find remedies to balance these feelings - go outside and sit on the ground (feel it’s steadiness and support); take a bath or run your hands under water. Put on thick cozy socks and come back to the rhythm of your breath. Slow down. Set intentions around these mantras: “I am, I honor, I am rooted.”

There are also those times when we are feeling low, stuck, unmotivated. We might be sluggish, lethargic and even overcome with greed and attachment. We excessively online shop, turn to heavy, greasy foods; and might feel bloated and stagnant. This is an imbalance of the earth and water energy within us (called the Kapha dosha). To feel more balanced, we need to move our bodies. Get out and go for a walk (even just 10 minutes), turn on some upbeat music, or call a cheerful friend. We need to acknowledge those feelings and then release that stuck energy. I often turn to journaling to let go of what I’m subconsciously holding onto. Get it onto the paper and out of my body. Set intentions around these mantras: “I invite, I welcome, I release, I let go of, I surrender.”

It is part of the human experience to feel all the feels and cycle through all of these energies and emotions. It should be normal to navigate these systems. We should not pretend not to feel nor label any of our emotions as “good or bad.” It’s all about our relationship to our emotions. Are we suppressing them, getting stuck in them, or acknowledging them and finding ways to easefully come back to balance?

Problems arise when people don’t pay attention to the energy of their emotions and don’t allow them to be unleashed. This is the first step to finding balance. If we don’t take the time to tune in, these internal weather systems can get stuck and lead to mental and physical pain. Don't fear your emotions, but see them as a sign of clarity and a path forward.

You all may know that I love the “Feel Better Live More” podcast with Dr. Rangan Chatterjee (I highly recommend it if you aren’t already a listener!). He recently interviewed Professor Marc Brackett, the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. His concepts remind me a lot of what I’ve learned through Ayurveda. He talks about this concept of “emotional intelligence” and how it’s important to use our emotions wisely. He explains that we need to be “emotion scientists” and not “emotion judges.” When emotions arise, we need not push them away. Instead, we need to get granular, specific, investigative. Ask ourselves what is at the core of this emotion, what insight is it giving me; really dissect it. Marc argues that this will lead us to better achieve our goals, have more flourishing relationships, be more creative and more mentally and physically healthy. Yet culturally we seem to have this backward, assuming that being stoic, emotionless and “always happy” is the key to success. This leads to a life not fully lived.

Marc developed a method called the “RULER” approach to help people navigate the power of their emotions. This practical tool makes it easy to remember in a moment of “big feelings” (as my 3 year-old calls it) how to remain balanced and discerning.

R- Recognizing. What feelings are arising in my mind? Do I have physical sensations in my body? Heat in my chest, tightness in my throat, etc.?

U- Understanding. Did something immediate trigger me? Or am I reacting to a deeply-rooted pain?

L- Labeling. Name what you are feeling. “You have to name it to tame it.”

E- Expressing. You need to release your feelings. Let them pass by like the weather. If someone asks how you are, tell them honestly. Normalize this in your family. Repressed feelings will find a way to manifest in your body.

R- Regulating. What remedies can help me feel more calm? (Look to the teachings of Ayurveda). What are my emotions here to teach me? Dig in and investigate those emotions when they arise - journal or share with a trusted person.

Whether you are intrigued by the Ayurvedic approach or like the structure of the “RULER” method, both are a means to the same end. We need to feel our feelings and harness the power and insight of our emotions, as opposed to pushing them away. They are teaching us something so important! The more we let these emotions flow through us, the more space we have to be alive, connect, and love.

My daughters are my motivation to keep doing this work. And it is hard work. It requires focus and dedication if you truly want to change how you show up for yourself, your family and community. I want to teach my daughters that ALL emotions are okay. We welcome them and hold space for them, even the really challenging ones. Trust me, when I have a toddler with a raging temper tantrum while I’m trying to get out the door, my gut instinct is to do anything to put out the fire! But I am learning that these emotions need to be released and accepted. If she’s feeling hot and fiery, we go outside and feel the breeze. We move our bodies. We go touch the stable, solid trees. If you ever get stuck on how to find the balance, go outside and use mother nature as your guide.

I’ve been giving my girls bits of my Ayurvedic wisdom, and last week at dinner Charlotte said, “If I don’t have sunshine in my heart, but it’s sunny outside, I can just go outside and sit quietly and feel the breeze.”

This melted me. Yes, baby girl, yes! This is why I want to keep showing up. If even an ounce of these teachings wear off on my kids, then I know they will have the basic tools to navigate the inevitable hard times they will face. They will have the tools to ride the ebb and flow of emotions, because they are part of the human experience (not something to sweep under the rug). They will always know they can look out their window to glean life’s precious wisdom: not everyday will be sunny. Rainstorms will come and go. Foggy mornings will give way to clear, vibrant afternoons. All emotions are welcome, all emotions are impermanent, all emotions are passing weather systems.